it never will...

.why the sudden effect as if the world depends on you

why so undeniably charming when it is generally alarming

or maybe it's just the state of mind instilled in me the very moment I've realised you caught me off guard



breathing seems so hard nowadays

knowing you're far better out of my sight than being blinded by your presence as you walk on by



time takes me to neverland

somewhere i'd rather be when i know you can take me



but just as neverland is so unreal...so as the thought that you'll carry me there.









#writing again. bothered by what you're going through right now. if only i could ease the pain..i just can't. got no right to.

existence

Drifted, eyes half shut. breathing

Under the same old dull sky. crying

Between stillness of heart. trembling

Against the raging sun. fighting

Innocent face, blissful. smiling



Forever love commenced the heart

Often on the verge of breaking apart

Rescued through pain and hurt

Never surrendering, still holding

In times when letting go is a choice

Learning it though the hardest way

Love still prevails

Over and over and over again

Still fighting for the one that mends it



Drawn in the strangeness

Of love that binds you and me

Love that never departs the heart of the one who possess this identity

stranded

sounds funny but true
i'm missing the old days when i'm with you

yes you're still with me now
but it seems like ages
i felt so alone
as if you're not existing

i know it's always been him/her
and yes it hurts

just cant help it
weird to think about it
how will you know
how will you understand

i'm chasing my way back to the old you
and i'm running alone
i know you won't even follow

Nostalgia...Rain...

It's the look outside your window as you see the rain freely hitting the ground

It's when you have an umbrella and someone asked to share it with you and you allow that to.

It's when you have no umbrella and someone will lend you his handkerchief that even if it won't give assurance that you'll not get wet but just that point where he still offer you safety.

It's the protection of a jacket that someone wears and instantly given to you just to make sure you'll not get wet, even if the other was.

It's every sip of coffee as you sit down, whether you're with someone or you're alone. the best part is still the warmth it brings to you.

It's when you feel like going outside even if you're not permitted to because you might catch cold...still you would find a way and run outside to feel every drop of it touching your skin, your body, your heart, your soul. and it felt so good.

It's in front of a bowl of hot champorado or lugaw or soup, just to lessen the cold temperature and to fulfill the cravings the season has brought you.

It's in the magic of warmth a comforter, pillow, or blanket can give to you as you fell asleep.

It's a free flowing tears brought by past heartache.

It's a tremendous feeling of unending hapiness of the cool wind it brings as you think of happy moments under the rain.

it may be seen as a beginning of a disaster...but then it's a blessing.

It's the heart-pounding effect it gives to see someone willing to get wet in the rain with you just for you to forgive him and never let go.

It's the comfort of knowing someone will wrap his arms around you just to stop the shaking of your body due to this kind of weather. and instantly, his presence is truly a relief that no one could ever resist

It's what triggers me to write and feel these things that makes it incomparable to any season. That though rain (and too much rain) might be uncomfortable to others...this is something where I can truly feel the embrace of freedom of unchanging emotions.

I love the rain...and the freedom it brings. =)

Dalawa

Nagmamadali na sa paghakbang ang mga paa. Magtatakip-silim na. Hindi na mababanaag ang kanina lamang ay matikas na haring araw. Patuloy sa paglakad ang mga paa. Ang mga yabag nito ay umaalingawngaw sa katahimikang bumabalot sa kakaibang lugar na iyon.

Kinilabutan ako sa bilis ng pangyayari. Kausap ko lamang ang mamang iyon na nakikita ko sa telebisyon. Eksakto ang mga detalye: kulay ng damit, tsinelas...hawak nya pa ang tinapay na binigay ko sa kanya. Bigla ang pagkabog ng puso ko. May likido nang dumadaloy sa mga kamay ko...

Nakalayo na ang mga yabag. Kumikislap ang pawis sa liwanag ng buwan, Napangiti ang aninong laka-takbo ang ginagawa makalayo lamang sa lugar na iyon. May kasamang luha ang ngiting iyon, na ikinagulat ng aninong pilit nagtatago sa masikip na eskinita. Nagtagumpay siya sa nais niyang mangyari.

Maingay ang paligid. Di ko na halos marinig ang pinapanuod ko. Nasa labas ng aming bahay ang ingay na iyon, Wang-wang ng pamilyar na sasakyan. Huminto ito sa tapat ngunit di pa rin tumitigil ang pag-iingay nito. Naramdaman ko ulit ang likidong iyon...malagkit. mainit. nakapanlalamig.

Dugo.

3:28pm

Lumangpapel's note: was published after weeks of thinking over whether to finally put it in this blog.

Bagong Simula

Kahapon lamang kasama kita. Akala ko hanggang sa pagsikat ng araw ay kadaupang-palad ka pa. pero tulad ng isang lumang bagay na dapat na lang manatili sa nakatakda nitong taguan, ang eksistensya mo pala ay kasama na sa nakaraan.

Isang bagong panimula. Kumbaga ay pagbalik sa kawalan. At mula dito ay maaari nang bumuo ng panibagong pangyayari, pagkakataon na di dapat palagpasin, dahil bawat segundo ay mahalaga.

Isang bagong papel ang nakalatag sa aking harapan. Ang paningin ko naman ay lumipat sa isang panulat na ngayon ko lamang nakamtan. Nakakalito ang pagbabagong ito. Gaya nga ng isang papausbong pa lang na halaman, inaabangan ito matapos ang mahabang panahon ng pagdidilig na dito lamang inilaan.

Di naman masama ang magsimula. Ang pagkatuto ay dulot ng nakalipas. Ang dapat gawin ngayon ay kumilos at ang mga bagay na sa akin ay kanina pa nakatunghay ay marapat nang hawakan at gamitin upang masimulan na ang dapat simulan.

Nakakaramdam ako ng kakaibang sigla. Isang saya na sa puso ng bagong manunulat nagmumula. Ang kapanganakan ko ay ang pagkawalay sa nakalipas. Ang pagsisimulang ito ay handog nang nakapaligid na apoy at kauhawan sa bagong pagkatuto.

Tara. Samahan mo ako.

Nais ko lamang na buhayin ang matagal nang inakala kong pagkamatay nang isang manunulat na hanggang ngayon ay di pa inaangat ang panulat at ang papel na hindi pa nadadampian ng kanyang mga palad.

Kadiliman. Liwanag.

Bigla akong nagsulat.

Lumangpapel

Di mahanap ang saysay

Sa gitna ng karimlan

Liwanag ng bituin ang naging tanglaw

Ang dampi ng hangin

Ay may banayad na paggalaw

Musika sa pandinig ang panaghoy ng dahon

Kay inam sa mata ang galaw ng alon

Sa buhangin kung saan humahampas ito

Bakas ng bawat salpok ang namamataan dito

Di pa man nagtatagal

nakaramdam na ng pagkapagal

Ang hangin na kanina lamang ay banayad sa pagsayaw

Ay di na maramdaman wari’y pumanaw

Oras ay tumatakbo

Di kayang habulin ng mga anino

Yabag ay di marinig

Sa katahimikang kanina pa napunit

Hawak mo ang panulat, papel mo man ay di mahanap

Halika at iguhit mo ang nais sa hangin

Hayaan mong sa langit ito ay tangayin

O kaya naman ay isulat mo ito sa buhangin

Sa pagdaan ng alon hayaan mong pawiin

Hindi iyon mawawala

Ito’y mananatili lamang doon

Lilipas man ang panahon

Ang naisulat at naiguhit na ay isa na lamang alaala ng kahapon

Lumangpapel

Not a coincidence

Everything was created with a purpose. The universe, this world, all living things especially human is created because it is for the glory of the Supreme Being. It is my favorite quote and is Bible-based that I am not an accident. So really things happened not because it’s a coincidence.

I’ve heard this from a lot of people who have experienced something that’s either amazing or unique events in their lives. But in my journey today, one person did say it twice – well, for the thought that it served its purpose.

It is not a coincidence that I was able to get a helping hand on that particular moment. That as I am thinking for the nth time why things are happening in the same way that I don’t want it to happen, there is nothing like coincidental for having someone beside me and even scaring me to death as he surprised me of his presence.

I was alarmed at that moment. It really didn’t synch in to me that here we go again, my job is really doing this to me. In a span of 15 minutes or so, I just stare blankly at passer-bys at the MRT station. I sat at the dining part of the bakeshop where I was staying and couldn’t even take my first step for me to get home. Part of me hindered me to stand up and head home, I had difficulty breathing. I texted my trusted persons. They replied and even worried. They symphatized. One moment I am standing at the side of the station where I can see all kinds of vehicles passing along EDSA. I stayed there for what seems forever, still blank and my eyes were blurred of the truth that just kept on hitting me. A text came. And another and another.

And then he’s there.

Not a coincidence. He was waiting at EDSA under the MRT station heading south going home. He received texts that he diligently replied. Then bothered by whatever he’s read, he told himself that if ever the bus that he’s seen arrived and haven’t received a reply from someone whom he’s replying, he will definitely take the ride. But just before the bus came and pass by in front of him, a text came, indicating he needs to do his job. He has to see me. He went up and look for me all over the station. Thinking that I wasn’t in the platform. Then almost disappointed that he won’t see me, he gave another chance. If on the second round he still can’t find me, he will just go home thinking I also was on my way home. But as he went ahead for the second time looking for me, his eyes caught me as I was going at the side of the station not facing him. He’s supposed to surprise me. And I was. Never thought that he’ll be just beside me. I was stunned.
Not a coincidence. He told me what happened and why he’s there. I replied back, not knowing that he’ll be there far from my expectation. I thought he was on his way home. Now he’s there and patiently listening to what has been a burden for me. He told me that it’s never a coincidence that he’s there with me. The fact that everything just happened smoothly made him think that I’m truly needing someone to ease the pain. That at that point in my life, a listening ear and an understanding heart is what really matters. 

Alongside, I felt relieved. At last, someone did something even without me asking. I considered him a blessing being the one to initiate in giving his hands to help. I can’t help but cry. I cried to him for the second time, this time in front of him. He comforted me. Shared things about himself. He enlightened me, cooling down heated emotions, joking and laughing as if there’s no tomorrow. I felt lighter. He really helped. And at that moment, I knew I found an angel. Before we part ways, I was a bit shaky because I cried a river, he offered a hug that kept me warm the whole time even after that conversation. A hug from a friend comforted me and removed the pain and wiped the tears away.

Not a coincidence. Because it never will be one, knowing that at the other side... somebody’s reaching a hand.

Lumangpapel's note: Written sometime in February. Only published now due to demand of the hearty writer. =)