I don't believe that when things go wrong, it is this world or this life that is being harsh as we experience pain and cruelty. It dawned to me (and I think always) that we are the culprit of our own sufferings. For the bad decisions we made. For the things we don't consult to people who are most knowledgeable and most experienced than us. Sometimes, it does not hurt if we are to ask, if we are to accept some facts about handling life, if we are to go seek for advice. When things go wrong, we may be unfair with life giving all the blame to it when all it can do is for us to discover how beautiful life is just as simple as living it.
We are being masochist. We try to do things that we know from the start would hurt us yet we pursue those things. When we decide things out of the right ones, we tend to ignore the consequences and then when it hit us right through, we couldn't back out. We cry, we suffer, but we do not stop from there. We accompany that with words like "experience is the best teacher" but what if we don't have to experience it but learn from people who have been through that kind of situation? We want to test the water. And we end up drowning ourselves to the darkest part of pain. We want to learn as we bruised, as we were wounded. We endured scars, we wanted to have marks shown all over us for us to qualify as the most experienced person on earth when in fact we don't need to...
Living this life with the most numbers of pain does not guarantee us a noble prize award nor a plaque of appreciation. Sometimes, some people who showed their cruelty to others, tend to equal our pain with criticisms that would make or break us as a person. More so, we slipped by their words and then we fall apart. Then we have bandages all over ourselves.
After a while, as years passed by, we became numb; not giving the slightest trust to people who genuinely cares for us. We ignore the good things and still dwell from past hurts. We live by the mistakes we did, in a negative way. We show the world how hurt we are that we don't appreciate the goodness beyond every dark past. We acknowledged the truth of hurtful feelings and not moving forward. Then we all blame life and then we doubt its offer of hope for us.
I am not new to this phase. I am for the longest time have been blaming the negativity life is bringing me, then after years of contemplating why things happened, pointed at myself for being the foremost responsible of complicating my life. I fell, I stood up. Then fell and stood up again. It became a circular motion, without ending, as if enjoying this circus. But the more it made me hurt, the more I became stronger. I'm in denial. I showed the world I'm strong enough to face trials, but end up weaker, crying in that same corner. I realized I needed someone. I realized I needed the One who will understand. I realized that in every painful decisions I made that hurt me so badly, all I need is to forgive myself first for committing these cruelties and forgiving the people who I allowed to take over me.
It is then my responsibility to take things to a different level. As I forgive, I move forward. It is hard to do. No one says life will be easy. But it is in our hands to make it possible. While to some it may be true that we learn from our own mistakes; to me, I understand that we do not have to make to learn. Hard-headed we may be but this is true: We don't have to go the painful process. We ought to make our own path and not follow their footprints. We were allowed for many times in our life to make mistakes but we also can do something to lessen it, if we cannot avoid it.
Life's simplicity is not far from reality when we allow it to. It is not easy nor hard. It depends on how we deal with it. When we complicate things and we do it whole-heartedly, we reap it. We have choices. We can decide. We are to make things happen.
It is in our hands, by the way.
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