keep on pouring

The rain is supposed to keep me alive.
But today why am I maddened by its presence
Why do I feel like I'm dying inside
Knowing I should be in a happy state

For most I should celebrate
It's another year for me
Another opportunity
To correct the past mistake

In my mind I had it that way
Another day another year
I am most grateful it came

I just can't help but give more time to think things over
Moreso I can't help the tears that are flowing
Together with the rain they kept on pouring
How come the state of happiness which I should feel became a tearful state that made me grow weaker.

my 29th

On this day I would like to first and foremost thank God for allowing me to begin another 365 days of my life here on earth. I know I am not worthy of his love and grace. I know that I have lived a life out of his presence for the past months, given the situation I have reaped the consequence of my incapability to take hold of the blessings that he showered on me. Neglecting them made me regret for I have made my work above anything else. My prayer life, devotion and the things I am doing faltered all because I was afraid that I might be sanctioned. Little did I know that more than anything else it hurts more to be in a miserable state without God. Still he is merciful and his love endures forever. Forgiven and blessing me still, I am still breathing, alive and kicking. All because of the grace of God. I owe him a lot.

Then there's these two most important women in my life that I am also grateful for. Why? There will be no Mhea without Engeli and Juana.

For my Nanay, thank you for the 9 months that I'm inside your womb. I can't say how it is that you felt but I know it must be hard re the situation you are into. Still you managed to gave birth to a healthy baby girl, your eldest. I stayed for two years in your arms. And though it wasn't long that I stayed by your side but I still can feel how you took good care of me. I am grateful you bore me inside. And as long as I shall live I won't forget that.

And to my Mamie, I owe her a lot more. For accepting me and treating me as her own. For loving me which I now realized she did and is always. Thank you for taking good care of me for the past 26 years. For helping my dad to hone me as a woman I am now. Sorry for not being able to repay back the love because of what happened in the past. But I am thankful that I am given the chance to little by little show you how grateful I am you're my mom. Please do live for me for another ten years or more. Please do so that I could have more time to spend with you and the family that I will have. Thank you for the love, understanding and patience. Thank you for the effort, the time and more love you are giving. I love you.

And to the most influential person in my life, to my dad. I just so miss you daddy. Thank you for being my two in one dad. Thank you for all the sacrifice, the love and everything you've done for me to grow up this strong, for being the woman I am now.
Unfortunately you left me. It was the beginning of a hurtful birthday that I have. I know you'll never come back. But I will forever be grateful you are my dad. Your Mic, your little princess is a grown up woman now. Thank you and I love you daddy.

cheese and heart

I may not be the only woman among the crowd you dreamt of playing your fave instrument with when you got one

Nor the only woman you'll give your full force and effort to surprise just to see her smile

Nor the same woman you ever thought of loving and holding closest to your heart

But as long as I have the love inside my heart for you, I won't stop showing you that I am one woman who will love you beyond conditions. In my own little way, I will. Even if it takes forever I will wait till I'd be the last woman you'll end up loving and sharing your life with.

I love you. I assume you already knew that I do.